If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
