Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
