Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
