We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
