Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
