Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
