His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
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