I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
