haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
