you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
