dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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