you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
