Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
