i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
