Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
