Are we in a gay sports bar?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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