and you said cock pushups were impossible
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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