Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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