i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
