Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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