Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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