put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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