She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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