Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
