I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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