bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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