HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
