Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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