You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
