Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
