even my farts smell like vagina
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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