Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
