If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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