I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He called his prostate his "boner button".
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
