just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
