guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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