No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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