you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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