Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
