You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize