I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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