By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize