Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
