apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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