mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize