i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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