The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
