I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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