Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
