I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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