I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
