DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
