i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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