i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I think my vagina is haunted
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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