would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
