I wish I could punch you in the face.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
