I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
