I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
