I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
