So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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