Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
